February 2012
3 posts
Remember....
Do you guys remember the NYC power outage? How fucking fun was that? I did like, a zillion drugs and got laid in the dark. *sigh* This sucks, I want more chaos like when I wasn’t all old.
Or a sandwich. Actually, I’d probably prefer a sandwich. I’m going home to make a sandwich.
Of chaos!
(But really turkey.)
Adam makes friends: Things that have attacked me
Bees Ants “cicada killer” hornet Giant mosquitoes A chicken (this was a lot scarier than it seems.) Monkeys (4 varieties) A cat (Smokey you had better pray you don’t outlive my parents.) 3 chiuauas leeches A buffalo One confused Golden Retriever Groups of children (2 different occasions) A tiger (Tex I fucking hate you, you motherfucking asshole, I will turn you into a fucking...
November 2011
1 post
Par for the course.
Sunday morning, 11:00am.
Laura: Hey, hey HEY!!! Adam, wake up! Are you up? I’m going out to do those things. Do you understand what you need to do while I’m out?
Adam: Sure!
Laura: OK, what are they? Can you tell me?
Adam: My job is to get bitten by the snakes.
Laura: No… NO! That is NOT your responsibility at all! In fact. it’s pretty much the exact opposite of your...
August 2011
1 post
June 2011
1 post
Reply to a somewhat annoying sidewalk preacher...
“Yeah, I know God says he loves me, but why does he have to be so Ike Turner about it?”
February 2011
1 post
If it's not one thing, it's another.
“The Organization for People with Extremely Minimal yet Annoying Disabilities.” That would be the name of my yet-to-be-founded not for profit organization. As the (sort of) unfortunate recipient of one of the aforementioned disabilities I feel uniquely qualified to understand the many trials and tribulations that my fellow extremely minimally disabled brethren endure on a day to day basis. While...
January 2011
2 posts
Yet another subway story.
L: A 13 year old ran up to me on the subway today and screamed, “MILF alert!” in my face. While I’m flattered that a 13 year old would want to fuck me I’m insulted that he assumed I’m a mom. A: I swear to God, you are the weirdest psychologist I know. L: It’s a weird profession.
Crazy-pants
A: So, I did something really embarrassing… again. D: Awesome. How bad? I hope bad. :) A: Not terrible, just humiliating. Okay, it’s pretty bad actually. I was noodling around on facebook and commented on a friend’s photo. It was of some crazy looking lobster that she was going to eat. But since we used to discuss animal rights stuff in HS I sort of teased her about it a bit. D:...
December 2010
1 post
November 2010
2 posts
October 2010
1 post
September 2010
1 post
The best things in life
All the best things in life are biological. Love, sex, heroin… who gives a fuck about the new iphone.
OK, I do… but only when I don’t have any of the above three at hand.
July 2010
8 posts
Comfort Dick
I leaned in close to kiss her but she abruptly turned her head, offering me her cheek instead of her lips. “What’s wrong?” I asked her, confused.
V: Nothing. I guess I have just started thinking of you as kind of more of a friend lately.
A: A friend? Are you serious?
V: Yeah.
A: Right now? A friend? REALLY!?
V: I’m sorry.
A: It’s fine, I guess. But I really feel...
Another subway story
Everything on the subway this morning started out great. I got a seat, which doesn’t happen every day, especially when the train is as crowded as it was. As I enjoyed my seat and read my book, I heard an unusual noise… kind of a snurfling, snorfling sound. I looked up and found myself face to face with one of those little dogs with the pushed in faces. He was also enjoying his seat,...
The day I came out to my parents.
Eduardo was my housemate during my senior year of college. Though he had been living in America for almost his entire life, he was originally from Brazil and both of his parents and his entire extended family still lived in Sao Paulo. So when our shared house regularly emptied itself of occupants during Thanksgiving, Easter and a slew of Jewish holidays it became an unspoken tradition that he...
How to incite a riot in India (Part IV)
If you’ve never been attacked by a swarm of angry bees, allow me a small digression to describe the experience. It’s not entirely unlike being mugged. When I was 17 years old, a few on my friends and I wandered down to the local 7-11 for some doughnuts. It was around 3 in the morning on a Friday night and we were doing what teenage kids who grew up in suburbia have been doing for...
How to incite a riot in India (Part III)
I have never been much for exploring ancient ruins, old hill stations or historical sites. I spent most of my youth either sleeping through Social Studies or drawing pictures of corvettes and futuristic machine guns. In order to find historical sites at all engrossing it is unfortunately necessary to have some knowledge of the place you are visiting. However it seems like an incredible waste to me...
How to incite a riot in India (Part II)
The only place to buy a new shirt was at the clocktower, in the busiest section of town, central square, where there are vast tables with big heaps of underwear and shirts for sale. In addition to the many cows walking around gorging themselves on garbage, it is also the town’s nexus of local commerce, serviced by rows upon rows of apparel merchants, all of them ardent nationalists I’m sure....
"Gullible" is not in the dictionary either.
D: Since I know I have a tendency to be naive sometimes I'm trying to counteract it by being suspicious more often.
A: You do realize that's an incredibly naive thing to say, right?
June 2010
5 posts
How to incite a riot in India (Part I)
One of the harder experiences of traveling for me is the incredible levels of dirty that I allow my clothes to achieve before washing them. I suppose I could take the time and wash them more often, but if there is one thing that makes me unhappier than gross apparel, it is having to spend the time washing them myself. My distaste for work was the main factor in my deciding to travel in the first...
Why Morocco. (part 1)
People decide to go to Morocco for a host of different reasons. Some are interested in the culture. Some go to see the desert or the mountains. Some are interested in learning Arabic or want to practice their French. There is no shortage of intriguing potential experiences that draw first time visitors to Morocco. Everyone arrives at the Casa airport excited to get started on their own particular...
Old Acquaintances
I woke up at 10am to someone banging on my window. When I blearily pulled back the curtain at the head of my bed I saw my old dealer standing out on my front stoop. “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked. “Oh, hey! Um… I tried to call you but it looks like I lost your number.” “Nope,” I replied, “You didn’t lose it. I had it...
The best laid plans.
When I was preparing for my first trip to Morocco I sought the advice of everyone I knew. The suggestions I received could be grouped into two categories. People who had been to North Africa before gave me solemn instructions on dealing with rip-off artists, which I promptly ignored. Hey, I’m from New York! There was NO WAY some backwater shnook from another continent was going to take advantage...
A subway story
I stepped on the train this morning and it was packed. Packed like sardines. Packed where you can’t move an arm to gain better purchase on one of the bars or handholds yet don’t bounce around because you’re being held stationary by the other passengers pressed in around you. I was leaning against the closed subway doors and the rest of the car was filled with a middle school...
Unsound medical advice from dubious sources
Coconut Vendor: My cousin had this very condition. Here is what you must do. You must drink one gallon of ghee every day.
Adam: A gallon? Of ghee? Every DAY?
CV: Yes. One gallon. Then you will be happy.
A: Really? I doubt it.
CV: Yes. One gallon.
A: Really? You know, because I see a neurologist in New York for this problem and she never really mentioned this idea of yours.
CV: No! No...
May 2010
4 posts
Why I hate monkeys (part II)
The scariest monkey story I’ve heard so far (short of the ones that end with a monkey actually killing someone, eating someone or carrying someone off) involves a couple who were traveling in the North. (Whether the North is more or less monkey prone I cannot say. It seems that monkey density is pretty high everywhere.) They had heard a few vague warnings about the monkeys along the trails to a...
Telling scenarios
I caught my neighbor’s 17 year old son smoking crack on the stoop this morning. He looked up at me, shocked, and I said the first thing that came to mind… “Oh come on man, you’re way too young to mess around with that shit!”
Why I hate monkeys
I’m a judgmental person. The kind of asshole that will hear someone say a single, off the cuff remark and end up making decisions about their character or experiences.
The other day I heard someone say, “Oh my God, I just LOVE monkeys!” And I decided that while she may or may not have been an idiot, she clearly had very little experience with real monkeys. Only someone who has never met an...